Do you ever feel anxious when you have guests over? Even when you’re happy to see people, hosting can be a lot. It can be hard to relax and be present when your mind is busy watching everyone else’s needs, and family visits can be especially complicated because they often bring their own mix of history, expectations, and emotions.
I’m so happy some of my children and grandchildren are coming to visit. I have not seen them in person for a long time, and because they live far away, this visit feels especially precious to me. The children are still very young, and I’ve been looking forward to having real time with them at last.
But I also know this is going to be hard for me in some ways. I won’t be able to do all the things I wish I could do. I won’t be cooking big meals, picking up after everyone, or going out with them much. Most of my time with them will be at home. And if I’m honest, that brings up a lot for me.
I want everything to feel easy and comfortable for them. And when I know I can’t do all that, guilt can creep in. I think so many of us know that feeling. We want to give more than our body or our circumstances allow, and then we end up feeling like we are somehow falling short.
But I’m trying to remind myself that love is not measured by how much I can do. Sometimes love is just about being there, paying attention, listening, laughing, and making the most of the time we do have.
That is what I am trying to hold onto right now.
I may not be able to host the way I would like. I may need to rest more and do less. I may need to let things be a little messy or unfinished. But that does not mean this visit will not matter. In some ways, it may matter even more because I am learning to let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect.
There is something freeing about that. And something tender too.
Maybe this is what presence really means. Not doing everything. Not performing. Not pushing past our limits. Just showing up as we are, with love, and letting that be enough.
If you are facing a family visit this summer, or any time when your heart wants more than your body can give, I hope you will be gentle with yourself. You do not have to do everything for the moment to be meaningful. You do not have to be perfect to be present.
Sometimes presence is the gift.
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