When my children were 1,4, and 7 years old their father left Canada and never came back. My purpose in life was suddenly to protect them from the emotional pain of rejection and provide a stable happy childhood. Needless to say, my ‘plate’ became very full!
I went back to school but an MS diagnosis got in the way, so I quit. I couldn’t juggle school and their needs.
I continued to put myself last until the disease became unmanageable. My priorities had to change. The children needed me to be well, and ‘there’ for them. I couldn’t bear the thought of them feeling disappointed or abandoned again.
The immediate obstacle to taking me-time was guilt for saying no even if I was exhausted. I was afraid that they wouldn’t love me the same way. Would they blame me, or be scared? It was already so confusing for them.
When I finally learned how to put myself first everyone benefited! I had more energy and stamina. People respected and appreciated me more—not less. Best of all, I was a positive role-model to my children, a living example how to face uncertainty and any challenge head on.
Studies show that people who prioritize their needs are happier and smile more. They have less fear, stress, and resentment. They have better relationships too, because they’re more present for others.
In my upcoming self compassion workshop Stop Putting Yourself Last! we’ll explore why we have such a hard time putting ourselves first, and learn self-care tools that feel right without guilt or fear of conflict.
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